How'd you get that stye, guy?



There are stories that we grow up hearing and repeating. Some of them are made up from childhood and shared amongst the chamacos in the neighborhood. Others are believed to be folklore or cautionary tales passed down from generation to generation. This is not the latter. Or maybe it is…

“Ewwww, look at his eye! Why’s it all pink and swollen?! Nasty!”…

A stye. The pimples optical cousin. A completely ridiculous ailment that only serves to make its victim look like Sloth from The Goonies and completely crush one's self-confidence. I’ve had a few in my day (nothing I wanna brag about). The most recent being just before my trip to Costa Mesa for a book event. Four days before the event, I woke up with a sore right eye and an unusual amount of lagañas. I knew what it was immediately, so I quickly made a hot compress to reduce the swelling and break up the bola that was forming under the lid. As I held the hot compress to my eye, I wondered how this had managed to happen just days before my event. “What crappy luck, “ I thought to myself. With my confidence and self-esteem shaken, I made my way to the backyard. With a coffee in one hand and a hot compress in the other, I pushed the door open with my hip and made my way out to the yard. How had I gotten this stye? Was it stress? Is it cause I haven’t been sleeping enough? Was it bacterial? As I took a sip of my coffee and adjusted the hot compress, I took notice with my one good eye that my dog was frantically pacing back and forth. See, this perritita had been sick for over a week and I was tasked with making sure she was passing solid poops. As I watched her finally pick a place to pop a squat, I could almost hear the voices of my elementary school classmates saying.


“Ewww, look at his eye! Why’s it all pink and swollen and covered with lagañas? Nasty! You been watching dogs go caca!”


Suddenly it all made sense. It wasn’t stress or bacteria! For the past week, I had been watching this perrita go caca, and the price I paid was this monstrosity on my face! What we had said all those years ago was true! You do get sty’s from watching dogs go poo-poo, and with a week's worth of watching, I had no idea how bad it was going to get.


Some of y’all may not believe anything that I’ve said, but let me ask you. Isn’t Sana Sana a proven mystical remedy for curing pain? Can’t we give someone Mal Ojo with just a glance? Then maybe, just maybe, stys come from watching firulais take an innocent poop.


The moral of the story is kids.


  1. Don’t let self-esteem issues and superficial things hold you back from succeeding or living your best life. Succeeding and living your best life is guaranteed to help boost your self-esteem. Now, don’t get me wrong. I know it ain’t always easy, but sometimes all we can do is laugh at life’s misfortunes and keep moving with our heads held high

  2. (Pun intended) Just to be on the safe side, don’t watch any dogs go poo-poo before a big event. Thank me later.

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